The 10 Worst Christmas Songs

23 December 2024, 10:00

In the Christmas mood? Then put one of these festive ditties on and you’ll be tearing the Christmas decorations down in no time. From Fat Les and David Hasselhoff to Iggy Pop and Mr Blobby: here are some of the most underwhelming seasonal songs.

By Radio X

@RadioX

1. Fat Les - Naughty Christmas (Goblin In The Office)

   If anything sums up the depressing hangover of the post-Britpop era, it’s this Christmas outing from Keith Allen, Alex James and Damien Hirst’s weird side project. The follow-up to the still-loved Vindaloo, the video is desperately unfunny and includes future Little Britain stars David Walliams and Matt Lucas.

   

   Fat Les - Naughty Christmas (Goblin in the office)

2. Crazy Frog - Jingle Bells

   If Fat Les was bad, then you should try this offering from the gibbering, ringtone-selling amphibian. And he’s STILL got his tiny winkie out in the video. There are kids watching, for heaven's sake!

   

   Crazy Frog - Jingle Bells (Official Video)

3. Roy Wood and The Wombles - I Wish It Could Be A Wombling Merry Christmas Everyday

   Lumbering mash-up of the 1973 Wizzard classic with the ecologically friendly South London puppets and their own vaguely-remembered Xmas hit, courtesy of Mike Batt.

   

   The Wombles with Roy Wood - I Wish It Could Be A Wombling Merry Christmas Everyday

4. The Cheeky Girls - Have A Cheeky Christmas

   Romanian sisters Gabriela and Monica Irimia first came to the world’s attention on the reality TV show Popstars: The Rivals and they came up with this undercooked festive tune for Christmas 2003.

   

   The Cheeky Girls - Have a Cheeky Christmas (Official Music Video)

5. Iggy Pop - White Christmas

   Play this to the kiddies on Christmas Eve… and they’ll be troubled by horrific nightmares all night.

   

   Iggy Pop White Christmas

6. George Cole and Dennis Waterman - What Are We Gonna Get 'Er Indoors

   Dennis Waterman and his Minder partner George Cole unleashed this seasonal cash-in from their TV comedy-drama in 1983. They appeared on Top Of The Pops in a performance that will have you cringing all the way through til Twelfth Night.

   

   CHRISTMAS TOTP 1983 Dennis Waterman & George Cole - What Are We Gonna Get 'Er Indoors

7. David Hasselhoff - Jingle Bells

   Gotta love the Hoff, but he began to believe his own hype at this point and the result is as cloying as eating a whole chocolate selection box by yourself. Not recommended.

   

   David Hasselhoff - Jingle Bells 2010

8. The Damned – There Ain’t No Sanity Clause

   The punk pioneers try and create an alternative Christmas anthem and fail miserably.

   

   The Damned - There Ain't No Sanity Clause

9. R2D2 and C3PO - Sleigh Ride

   We've all seen the Star Wars Holiday Special, right? Well imagine an album that's ten times worse. Anthony Daniels narrates and R2 squeaks and parps in a Christmassy tone. Someone unplug them!

   

   Sleigh Ride (feat. R2-D2, Anthony Daniels)

10. Mr Blobby - Christmas In Blobbyland

    The original Mr Blobby single made Chrimbo No 1 in 1993, but this follow-up two years later stalled at a disappointing No 36. Something about Noel’s cloying banter at the beginning just doesn’t ring true. It’s not even "so bad it’s brilliant".

    

    Christmas in Blobbyland